Renewal

Saying Sorry.

Forgiveness
Kevin Rudd has done it again - and I believe is to be commended for it. Today, at Parliament House, the Australian PM apologised to the 'Forgotten Aurtalians' for the pain inflicted on them by tortuous and abusive treatment when they were forcibly moved to Australia over forty years ago. All indications are that the British PM, Gordon Brown, will apologise in the New Year - a move which was made easier today by the first stage of the process taking place - a visit to the British High Commission by some of the survivors. When Rudd came to office he also issued a national apology to the Aboriginies - another brave and welcome move. Last week, Gordon Brown apologised to Mrs Janes for the way she had been hurt by his letter to her after her son Jamie Janes, death in Afghanistan. Mrs Janes was (in my view) shamelessly and cruelly manipulated by The Sun newspaper - but no apology from them?

Why do we so often find it hard to apologise? Is it because we have created a society and culture where acceptance of making a mistake equates to admission of weakness? And why is it that we expect out leaders to be perfect? I think the ability to accept when you get it wrong and to learn from it is an indication of a growth in maturity and leadership ability - not a bar from leadership. We often call for apologies from our leaders, then we get them, cry out that their mistakes make them unfit to lead. Why? Which human being hasn't made a mistake? Which one of us grows without failing? I know I don't.

Maybe we find apologies hard because we feel like we always have to get it right. Maybe we find them hard because we actually belief we never make mistakes! Maybe we find them hard, though, because we have allowed ourselves to fall into the trap of thinking failure is fatal.  If it is, then we are all doomed. Failing to learn is fatal - and if we have created a culture (politically, socially, educationally or spiritually) where we disdain faliure and turn our backs on those who get it wrong, then we would have barred some of the greatest and most wonderful men and women from ever acheiving. This isn't just a sociological or political point - it's a deeply theological one too. Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, David, Hezekiah, Moses, Paul, Peter, Andrew, Mary Magdalene, Euodia, Syntache - the list is endless. People who have never failed have never lived.

I don't need to look too far down my own history and track record to see mistakes and failures. But if we let them, every one will make us better people - more able to lead, stronger, clearer and with increased integirty. Apologies may be bad for our egos - but maybe what is bad for our ego is sometimes good for our soul? I'd rather have a leader who was able to say sorry when it mattered than a leader who never felt the need to say sorry at all. But maybe we are to blame for the fear of apologies (both within and outwith the Church) after all, cultures and moods are not created by others - they are created (and maintained) by us.

All this apology thinking got me thinking too - and led me to some pretty challenging questions. What could or should we, as a nation, apologise for? Our role in crusades? The Highland clearances? The failure to support the Irish in the Great famine? The way we marginalise some asylum seekers? Exploitation of an underclass? Bloody Sunday? Miscarriages of justice? We could debate all those things till the cows come home.

What about the Church? Have we anything to say sorry for? Exclusivity? Behaving like a club for the privileged few instead of a family for the forgotten? Failing to practise what we preach? Ignoring the cries of the poor in our communities? Self-righteous aggrandisement of our own little empires at the expense of God's Kingdom? Talking about Jesus but not living like Him? Permitting discipleship to become something that we think we learn in our heads without it affecting our wallets and hands and feet? Again, the list could go on and on.

But perhaps the most important question - the greatest challenge we have to face is not the question of governments, national identities and the responsibilities of 'The Church' but the piercing question that we are each confronted with in the darkness of the night and the cold light of dawn - in what ways have I failed to love God with all my heart and mind soul and strength and my neighbour as myself. The journey toward a  genuinely open approach to apologies, repentance and humility doesn't start somewhere else, I think. It starts in my heart.

The rest we take between two deep breaths

Hello Everyone,

Wow! Thanks so much for the encouraging emails and texts and other messages you guys have been sending - such a blessing to know so many people are willing to take the time to send an emal or an SMS or a card and stuff - bless you all.

I got two very special things today. One was a letter from my mum! She NEVER writes - because she is getting older and struggling with writing and things like that. I was so touched and really, really appreciated her sending me a letter. The other was a beautiful card from Debbie (my wife for those of you who don't know!) which has a quote on the front from Etty Hillesum. It says:

Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two breaths.

Dandelion_blowing_in_wind_1

Dandelion_blowing_in_wind_1

How great is that! We so often rush through things and miss the beauty and the wonder of the moment God gives us. Buddhists call it the ability to 'be present in the moment'. Christians talk about centred-living or simplicity. Whatever we call it, it is the ability to really be present, to listen and feel and see and hear and experience the sheer and unadulterated truth of the moment in which we find ourselves. I've tried to do that today and in doing so have prayed the same thing for each of you. This morning, I lay awake from around 3am - 6am. At first I thought it was just because I was sore and couldn't sleep, then I realised it might be because God wanted me to do something with that time - to listen to him, to rest in the darkness of my room and be physically and spiritually still. So I decided to use an Ignatian spiritual discipline and simply pray the Jesus prayer in my head and heart. Over and over again, I simply mentioned the name of Jesus - and each time I felt myself sinking more and more into God's glorious love and grace.

The darkness became a blanket of safety and security and peace. The warmth of Debbie next to me became a tangible reminder of the promise of God's warmth and presence and love. The scent of my pillow began to remind me of the sweetness and intimacy with which God has wooed and loved me through the years. I heard the children getting up and down in the night, or one of my sons talking in his sleep and they reminded me of my dependency on God - for every breath, every thought, every second of my life. I heard the noise of deer in the car park outside and was reminded that God has set my feet on high places. I heard owls calling to one another and remembered that even in the watches of the night the Holy Spirit speaks and carresses and loves God's people. I started to pray for each of you - asking our Father to caress you through the challenges and concerns of today. I prayed that each moment of stillness today would become a moment of holiness - a thin place for you. I asked God to take the challenges and the strains and the difficulties of this day and wrap them in his soft and gentle love so that you might feel the impact of today - but not be hurt by it. Instead, I prayed that you would sense Him in your footsteps, feel Him in your shadow, hear him in the laughter or the cries around you. I prayed that whatever you did, you would know the unsurpassed pleasure of the God who loves us enough to hold us - and ocassionally let us fall, so that we might become stronger and clearer and deeper in our love for Him.

Then I got the card and the letter! How amazing is that? God is so much aware of all that we face and all that we need. I knew that these days of silence would be moments of blessing - but I had no idea just how much He wanted to renew my intimacy and connection with Him. He doesn't need to do that - He doesn't need me! Yet He chooses to draw me in, to protect and nurture and strengthen me - wow!

Wrote this prayer for you all today - God bless.

Father,

There are people I love today who will face unchartered waters.

Be the hand that holds their vessels strong and safe in the midst of crashing waves and howling winds.

Be the light that safely guides them through this storm. Like a North Star shining through the clouds, let the light of Your love and grace shine through the clouds that try to hide Your presence. Pierce the darkness of despair, the fog of fear and the haze of hopelessness. Shine Your light onto the paths in front of Your peoples' feet - guiding each step toward Your path, Your way, Your safety.

Be the breeze that blows upon Your people today Lord. A breeze that blows away the cobwebs of regret and scatters the drizzle of despair. Let Your breath whisper to Your people through the singing of a bird and the chatter of children.

May they hear words of hope and strength, words that remind them of a brighter and clearer tomorrow. As the storms cease and the waves subside, be the quiet lapping at their boat.

Let their vision be clearer.

Let the storm have cleared the skies to leave new visions and vistas for Your people to see.

Let the waves give way to a fresher, brighter and bigger horizon than they ever thought possible.

In the quiet after the storm may Your people see you once again - in their boat, where You have always been.

May Your presence and Your gaze drive away lingering anxieties and fear and may they hear you whisper their name - as only a Father can whisper the name of their child.

As You whipser their name, in that one word let them know that You understand and care and love them enough to never, ever walk away.

Remind them that is always enough that You are there - and that You will never be any where else.

Amen

Do not be afraid

Do not be afraid