The shudder

 

The Shudder

Whipped, beaten, nailed, mocked

The disciples shuddered,

Watching what was happening to Uou.

Yet from penetrating fear that they might be next - 

they ran for their lives.

Lifted high, then dropped into the ground,

Your cross shuddered

and each reverberation

shook Your frame

with indescribable pain.

Head tilted, lungs gasping,

Heaven shuddered

as You cried ‘Where are You, Father?

Don’t abandon Me now!’

A seamless union ripped apart for us.

Watching as her Boy is butchered,

Mary shuddered

as only a mother can

who has lost everything.

Part of her died here too.

Lifted high, then dropped into the ground,

Your cross makes the earth shudder.

For here, at this place, the world is changed

and these reverberations do not cease.

They rip curtains in worn out temples,

push away tiny tonnes of stone

that cannot keep You in.

These shudders break chains,

force open prison doors, destroy arguments,

defeat demons, make death scurry like a rat

Into the hole from whence it came.

These shudders unsettle the settled in their beds,

throw the haughty from their thrones

show the poor that their poverty

is not the issue and is not a bar.

These shudders ripple through the swamp of sin.

They crest upon the might of nations.

They seep into the corridors of power.

These shudders shatter defences,

shake foundations,

re-create creation,

initiate transformation,

usher in our salvation.

These shudders reach into a tiny room

in a chapel in the woods

and pierce the heart

and birth hope

then force us out to

continue the impact.

These shudders are unstoppable.

© Malcolm Duncan, Good Friday 2009.

Soul nourishing solitiude

Hello everyone! I trust you are all well. I am doing very well and continuing to improve. Now able to speak - although I can't raise my voice in anyway and there is still little or no power in it. I went to a music practise in The Chapel this evening and was able to play my clarinet and saxophone. It was fantastic! A single note can express a thousand words and it was just soo special to be able to lose myself in the music. I may have been limited in the words I spoke - but boy, did I feel a release in playing and praising God.

I think I have overdone it yesterday and today, though. So will be careful tomorrow Feeling tired and drawn tonight, but was really encouraged by a card I received from a friend today - MNB! What a blessing.

I have my appointment for my test results and to discuss what happens next - Thursday 19th November at 10:45. But I have real peace about the outcome, as you know and am looking forward to seeing the consultant and asking when I can start public speaking again. My prayer would be that I can talk using a good mic in December, but I will absolutely follow their advice and guidance.

The wonder of solitude.

Don't you feel a tug, a yearning to sink down into the silence and solitude of God? Don't you long for something more? Doesn't every breath crave a deeper, fuller exposure to His presence? It is the discipline of solitude that will open the door.

Richard Foster, Celebration of Discipline, Page 134.

Those of you who know me well will know that there has always been a very strong contemplative part to my spirituality. I've been committed to spiritual disciplines such as meditation, simplicity and times of solitude for years. Lectio Divina, an ancient form of prayer, has been part of my daily practise for over twenty years and Celtic spirituality and practises are very important to me. I think that is one of the reasons that I have really enjoyed this extended time of silence and prayer and solitude. Rather than being a time I have feared, it has honestly been a time I have enjoyed and cherished. Think of it like getting the chance to spend some quality time with your very best friend, doing the things that you really enjoy, and you will begin to get the sense of how this time has felt for me. Physically painful and in many ways uncertain, yet at the same time intimate and special and wonderful and warm and strong. I've felt like I have been taking a walk in the autumn leaves, kicking them with my father. Again, if you know me, you will understand how powerful that metaphor is.  In the garden and grounds around where I live there are hundreds of trees and at the moment there are literally thousands of leaves on the ground - despite my friend Freda's best efforts to clear them! Almost every day I walk round the grounds here and spend time with God - just kicking leaves. I did it today - and it was great. I felt like a tiny little boy being watched by a very big, very strong, very interested Father. Today I just spent a little while running around the grounds and kicking leaves - literally! If someone had walked in they would have thought I was a bit off the wall (no funny comments please) but I have never really been overly concerned what people think about my relationship with God. At one point, it was so intense that I was convinced that there actually was someone behind me watching me and laughing. I stopped and thought about turning round - but decided not to. The feeling was so intimate, so special, so personal that Ifelt like I didn't need to turn round, like to do so would be to rob this very special moment of faith and intimacy of its faith element by needing to see Someone whom I knew to be there anyway. God watched me kicking leaves today - because He always does. Today wasn't a special day, I was just in the place where I felt Him more today - and we all need those moments.

Mylene Klass.

I don't know if any of you have been watching the Children in Need specials about celebrities travelling round the world in 80 days? Last night's programme featured John Barrowman and Mylene Klass. They stopped off in Arizona and spent some time with people who thought they channelled aliens! One of the things they did was some meditation, to try and 'make contact'. Of course they didn't and both Mylene Klass and Barrowman chatted about it afterwards. But Klass was moved by the fact that these people took time to stop, to listen and to focus their thoughts and centre themselves. She said she had NEVER done that before - she'd never taken time to stop, to be alone with her thoughts and her feelings. She'd never allowed herself the luxury of solitude and stopping. So today I prayed that for each of you - that you would discover some space and power in solitude.

Father,

Thank you for solitude. Help us today to find mini-retreats that last a second, or a minute or an hour. In the midst of commuter trains, at office desks, in busy business meetings and with children screaming for their dinner, help us to discover a different beat and to live in the music of a different melody. Help Your people to avoid the temptation of filling every moment with 'doing' because the fear of 'being' makes them hide from You. Loosen the grip of the demand of the moment, replace the tyranny of the urgent with the beckoning of the important. With threatening letters on their desks, negative voices in their heads and harsh hands reaching to grab their peace, provide a moment of solitude.

Give Your people a glimpse of the warmth of aloneness with You. Help them to remember that the absence of others never equates to Your departure. When spouses have become distant, friends are far away and help seems impossible, remind them that in the silence and the solitude Your Spirit rests. God, in whose hand our very breath is, let solitude become a rod of strength for Your people today. Strip away the props and the facades and the unnecessariness of things and ego and stuff and demands and replace them with a solid, stake-in-the-ground assurance that Your are watching us.

Help us not to try and hide from You. when we stitch clothes together with fig leaves of pride and power and control, call out our names in the heat of the day. Let us hear the words that penetrate beyond our excuses and calendars - call out to us in the moments of our hiddeness - Malcolm, where are you? And give us the grace to respond. Take away the wrong fruit - blackberries included - just for a moment and enable us to bear fruit that will last.

Thank you that there is so much more of You to know, to experience and to discover than we can ever begin to understand. Take Your people on a journey to a new place, a deeper place - where the leaves on the ground become a playground for us. Let leaves of regret become tokens of redemption. Let the autumn colours of unfulfilled hopes become the ochres of a fresh new dawn.

As we stand knee high in leaves, alone with You in the silence, give us the grace to know that in that moment You are standing right behind us, with Your eyes twinkling with love and a smile on Your face because You love us and take joy in us. And give us the faith to stop - and not feel the need to look behind, but instead the complete assurance that You are where you have always been - and we do not need to prove it because we never need to prove You. You have proven Your love for us by an empty tree and an empty grave - we need nothing more.

Amen

The rest we take between two deep breaths

Hello Everyone,

Wow! Thanks so much for the encouraging emails and texts and other messages you guys have been sending - such a blessing to know so many people are willing to take the time to send an emal or an SMS or a card and stuff - bless you all.

I got two very special things today. One was a letter from my mum! She NEVER writes - because she is getting older and struggling with writing and things like that. I was so touched and really, really appreciated her sending me a letter. The other was a beautiful card from Debbie (my wife for those of you who don't know!) which has a quote on the front from Etty Hillesum. It says:

Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two breaths.

Dandelion_blowing_in_wind_1

How great is that! We so often rush through things and miss the beauty and the wonder of the moment God gives us. Buddhists call it the ability to 'be present in the moment'. Christians talk about centred-living or simplicity. Whatever we call it, it is the ability to really be present, to listen and feel and see and hear and experience the sheer and unadulterated truth of the moment in which we find ourselves. I've tried to do that today and in doing so have prayed the same thing for each of you. This morning, I lay awake from around 3am - 6am. At first I thought it was just because I was sore and couldn't sleep, then I realised it might be because God wanted me to do something with that time - to listen to him, to rest in the darkness of my room and be physically and spiritually still. So I decided to use an Ignatian spiritual discipline and simply pray the Jesus prayer in my head and heart. Over and over again, I simply mentioned the name of Jesus - and each time I felt myself sinking more and more into God's glorious love and grace.

The darkness became a blanket of safety and security and peace. The warmth of Debbie next to me became a tangible reminder of the promise of God's warmth and presence and love. The scent of my pillow began to remind me of the sweetness and intimacy with which God has wooed and loved me through the years. I heard the children getting up and down in the night, or one of my sons talking in his sleep and they reminded me of my dependency on God - for every breath, every thought, every second of my life. I heard the noise of deer in the car park outside and was reminded that God has set my feet on high places. I heard owls calling to one another and remembered that even in the watches of the night the Holy Spirit speaks and carresses and loves God's people. I started to pray for each of you - asking our Father to caress you through the challenges and concerns of today. I prayed that each moment of stillness today would become a moment of holiness - a thin place for you. I asked God to take the challenges and the strains and the difficulties of this day and wrap them in his soft and gentle love so that you might feel the impact of today - but not be hurt by it. Instead, I prayed that you would sense Him in your footsteps, feel Him in your shadow, hear him in the laughter or the cries around you. I prayed that whatever you did, you would know the unsurpassed pleasure of the God who loves us enough to hold us - and ocassionally let us fall, so that we might become stronger and clearer and deeper in our love for Him.

Then I got the card and the letter! How amazing is that? God is so much aware of all that we face and all that we need. I knew that these days of silence would be moments of blessing - but I had no idea just how much He wanted to renew my intimacy and connection with Him. He doesn't need to do that - He doesn't need me! Yet He chooses to draw me in, to protect and nurture and strengthen me - wow!

Wrote this prayer for you all today - God bless.

Father,

There are people I love today who will face unchartered waters.

Be the hand that holds their vessels strong and safe in the midst of crashing waves and howling winds.

Be the light that safely guides them through this storm. Like a North Star shining through the clouds, let the light of Your love and grace shine through the clouds that try to hide Your presence. Pierce the darkness of despair, the fog of fear and the haze of hopelessness. Shine Your light onto the paths in front of Your peoples' feet - guiding each step toward Your path, Your way, Your safety.

Be the breeze that blows upon Your people today Lord. A breeze that blows away the cobwebs of regret and scatters the drizzle of despair. Let Your breath whisper to Your people through the singing of a bird and the chatter of children.

May they hear words of hope and strength, words that remind them of a brighter and clearer tomorrow. As the storms cease and the waves subside, be the quiet lapping at their boat.

Let their vision be clearer.

Let the storm have cleared the skies to leave new visions and vistas for Your people to see.

Let the waves give way to a fresher, brighter and bigger horizon than they ever thought possible.

In the quiet after the storm may Your people see you once again - in their boat, where You have always been.

May Your presence and Your gaze drive away lingering anxieties and fear and may they hear you whisper their name - as only a Father can whisper the name of their child.

As You whipser their name, in that one word let them know that You understand and care and love them enough to never, ever walk away.

Remind them that is always enough that You are there - and that You will never be any where else.

Amen

Do not be afraid

Encircling Prayer

HI Everyone,

Continuing to improve today - and managed a few more words, with my voice getting stronger. This morning, I listened through the wall of our house to the service taking place in the chapel next door and stood and wept at 11am for all those who were remembering their loved ones and those affected by conflict. I always find Remembrance Sunday a moving and emotional day and I am sure it is at least in part because I come from a country torn by conflict. I think it is also because I have two brothers who have, or do, serve in the armed forces - and I love them both very much.

Spent the rest of the morning practising Caim Prayer for you all - also know as 'encircling prayer'. It's a celtic form of prayer in which you make the shape of a circle as you pray for either yourself or others - here is the one I used for each of you:

A Caim Prayer

May the Mighty Three your protection be - encircling you, guarding you, holding you and nurturing you. Thank You, Lord that You are around each life, each home - encircling each one. O Sacred Three, Mighty Three, hold Your people in the hollow of Your hand. Surround their going out and their coming in. Whsiper Your name to them in the breeze of the morning and remind them of Your love in the light of dusk. As the day falls away, let the light of Your grace and strength flood their hearts. May they rest in the arms of Your Spirit, knowing the assurance of Your protection and the power of Your word spoken over them and living in them. As Your people step into another week, may they be reminded of You in the small things they encounter. The smile of a child, the rustling of a tree of the chatter of friends. Thank You that our lives are lived out before You in their completeness. As Your people step into the main parts of their week, may they be reminded of Your unending promise to hold them, guard them and guide them. Fill their hearts with hope, their minds with possibilities and their wills with a new and strong resolve to put You first in all things. Encircle Your people with Your power, encircle Your people with Your grace and encircle them with the confidence that You have never left them.

Amen

May whatever you are facing today become a 'thin place' - and may you like Jacob, be given the opportunity to meet with God in a new way but in a familiar place. May you be able to say, like him, 'Surely the Lord was in this place and I did not know it' - and may your limp remind you of His grace - now and always

Practising Prayer - An opportunity to bless others

Hi everyone,

Thanks for the continued prayers, support, emails and messages. I continue to know the grace and strength of God - although the throat continues to feel very sore. That being said, I definitely feel better today than I did yesterday. Debbie and I went out for a little while today, which was great - and very amusing as I was communicating with her via a little notebook and pen. I'm sure the people watching us in the couple of shops we went to thought we were a bit unusual! Still taking strong painkillers and being very careful - but I am improving daily.

As promised, I took time today to pray for all those who are part of the Chapel and Warham. Couldn't sleep so well, so I woke at around 4am and prayed silently for many of you, and have had the chance to make sure that I prayed for each of you by now. What a blessing - to be able to ask God to strengthen and help and support you as you walk with him. I've really enjoyed it, and today has felt like a long, relaxed and intimate conversation with a very, very dear friend. I've sensed a real feeling of intimacy with God today - being able to relax and listen to Him in a different way.

I woke up this morning thinking of the verse 'Cast all your cares upon the Lord because He cares for you' and have been able to cast not only my cares for myself and my family, but also my cares for all of you as your pastor. I feel such an amazing sense of being able to lift each of you before the Lord, and a real release in praise for you. It is strange you know - at the time of greatest external quiet in my life, I feel like I could explore with praise and thanks to God for all that he is and all that He has done for us a His people. I may not be able to sing or speak physically, but in my heart there are a thousand melodies playing at once - and streams of words and thoughts and thanks flowing to God for each of you. Today I have been remembering some of the great times that God has given us together - moments when I have felt that I could almost reach out and touch Him as we have listened to His word together or sung our worship to Him as communities. I have a real conviction that He has many more blessings and times of intimacy to give us as we seek His face and put Him at the heart of all that we do and all that we are.

I've decided that tomorrow I am going to pray for marriages - for husbands and wives. So if you have a partner who has not yet come to faith, or your marriage is struggling, or there are real challenges you are facing as a couple, be assured of my prayers for you tomorrow. May you know a strengthening of your marriage and your relationship.

Whatever you may be facing, be assured of my prayers for you and my love for you. May the God of peace guard and keep you with His peace now and every day.

What an amazing privielge to be given this time by the Lord to be able to pray for you all, and to stand in the gap for you.

Standing in the gap.

A friend asked me yesterday what 'standing in the gap' actually means. Well, I guess it means standing in a place that others cannot stand, on their behalf. From Aaron and Hur standing in the gap for Moses, to the people of Jerusalem standing in the gap when Nehemiah was overseeing the building of the city wall of Jersualem, 'standing in the gap' involves lifting up the hands of those who are weary from all their own effort and work, and helping them to press on with all that God has for them. When Moses was exhausted, Aaron and Hur held his arms up. They helped him, they supported him and they stood by him. They enabled Moses to do what only he could do - by doing what they could do. The same is true of the people who guarded the 'low places' in the wall in Jerusalem. I guess the conceptis very similar to that of an intercessor in the New Testament - standing before God on behalf of others, that they might be all that God wants them to be.

Of course the greatest example of that is Jesus - who literally stands in the gap for us now. He prays for us, he holds us before His father. And on the cross he occupied the space between the seen and the unseen, between heaven and earth. Jesus life and ministry also show that 'standing in the gap' is both a practical and a spiritual thing. He held the two together in perfect balance. Serving and meeting the needs of those around him, but also praying and bringing people before God.

In many ways, the meals you have provided for us, the cards and the calls are just as much 'standing in the gap;' for us as our prayers are now for you. We need each other in this journey of faith and there are times when one is stronger than the other, then there are other times when the roles are reversed. Being part of a church family means that you have to learn not only to stand in the gap for others but also let them stand in the gap for you.

So thank you to all who have stood for us and with us - we also stand with you. And together, we progress toward that which God is making us become - more and more like Christ.

In the silence of these moments, heaven is being stormed for you. Cries of petition are rising that you might catch a fresh glimpse of the shimmering wonder of the God who intimately knows you, gently rebukes you a dn lovingly remakes you. May you feel the rustle of a carpenters robe in the early morning, and hear the footsteps of a friend as he walks beside you. As you face each day, may you have a sense that you do now face it alone, but instead may you know, just for a moment, that someone has gone before you, to make the way, to smooth the mountains and to raise the valleys. When you hit a storm, may you feel the strong hand of God on the tiller, steadying your vessel. When you feel alone, may a bird singing or a gentle breeze remind you that God has not left. When you stare into the darkness, may you catch the glimmer of a light that reminds you that nothing will ever extingusih the love of God or the grace of God in your life. As you lift your questions, heartbreaks and yearnings to the Lord, may you realise afresh that you are being held in the hands of the answer - and that this is the safest place for you to be.

Speak to you all tomorrow.