Been to the doctor

God is in Control

Hi Everyone,

Just a quick update. Been to see the consultant this morning. All seems okay. The operation scar is healing very well - with minimal thicening in the area around the site of the operation on the vocal chord. I have too see them again in around eight weeks because they need to keep an eye on my voice and on the vocal chords themselves - and are doing some additional tests on the material they removed - but all seems to be well and there is nothing to panic or worry about at the moment. I will also need quite a bit of speech therapy - and they are telling me to be VERY careful in the use of my voice. Overall, positive news though - and a real answer to prayer.

I can speak wuite well with limited volume and strength now - and am permitted to do some speaking but not a lot. So as long as I am well amplified, avoid getting too excited (!) and promise not to either whipser or raise my voice (both are equally bad!!!) I will be able to do some chairing of meetings, and a little teaching and preaching between now and the end of the year. I am also on track to honour my preaching engagements from January 1st onward - but I do need to be very cvareful not to strain or overuse my voice (!)

Apparently speech therapists are one of the most pressured resoures in the NHS at the moment and therefore the wait to see one is severe. My case is marked as urgent and yet still means a wait of around two - three months. In the meantime I am released to speak - but very carefully and avoiding strain and overuse.

Thank you

Thank you so much for your prayers and support. As I continue down this road, I rejoice in the wonderful, wonderful grace of God and love of His people. Couldn't have made the journey without you all - you are a blessing.

Blog entries.

Loads of you have encouraged me to continue to use the blog and update it - so I have a bit of a suggestion for you about an online community for prayer, reflection and discipleship. I'd post something for discussion, prayer and reflection once a week, with a daily encouragement, devotion or reflection to fit the theme - then we'd relfect, share, discuss, pray and hopefully grow - would you be interested? Let me know...

Saying Sorry.

Forgiveness
Kevin Rudd has done it again - and I believe is to be commended for it. Today, at Parliament House, the Australian PM apologised to the 'Forgotten Aurtalians' for the pain inflicted on them by tortuous and abusive treatment when they were forcibly moved to Australia over forty years ago. All indications are that the British PM, Gordon Brown, will apologise in the New Year - a move which was made easier today by the first stage of the process taking place - a visit to the British High Commission by some of the survivors. When Rudd came to office he also issued a national apology to the Aboriginies - another brave and welcome move. Last week, Gordon Brown apologised to Mrs Janes for the way she had been hurt by his letter to her after her son Jamie Janes, death in Afghanistan. Mrs Janes was (in my view) shamelessly and cruelly manipulated by The Sun newspaper - but no apology from them?

Why do we so often find it hard to apologise? Is it because we have created a society and culture where acceptance of making a mistake equates to admission of weakness? And why is it that we expect out leaders to be perfect? I think the ability to accept when you get it wrong and to learn from it is an indication of a growth in maturity and leadership ability - not a bar from leadership. We often call for apologies from our leaders, then we get them, cry out that their mistakes make them unfit to lead. Why? Which human being hasn't made a mistake? Which one of us grows without failing? I know I don't.

Maybe we find apologies hard because we feel like we always have to get it right. Maybe we find them hard because we actually belief we never make mistakes! Maybe we find them hard, though, because we have allowed ourselves to fall into the trap of thinking failure is fatal.  If it is, then we are all doomed. Failing to learn is fatal - and if we have created a culture (politically, socially, educationally or spiritually) where we disdain faliure and turn our backs on those who get it wrong, then we would have barred some of the greatest and most wonderful men and women from ever acheiving. This isn't just a sociological or political point - it's a deeply theological one too. Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, David, Hezekiah, Moses, Paul, Peter, Andrew, Mary Magdalene, Euodia, Syntache - the list is endless. People who have never failed have never lived.

I don't need to look too far down my own history and track record to see mistakes and failures. But if we let them, every one will make us better people - more able to lead, stronger, clearer and with increased integirty. Apologies may be bad for our egos - but maybe what is bad for our ego is sometimes good for our soul? I'd rather have a leader who was able to say sorry when it mattered than a leader who never felt the need to say sorry at all. But maybe we are to blame for the fear of apologies (both within and outwith the Church) after all, cultures and moods are not created by others - they are created (and maintained) by us.

All this apology thinking got me thinking too - and led me to some pretty challenging questions. What could or should we, as a nation, apologise for? Our role in crusades? The Highland clearances? The failure to support the Irish in the Great famine? The way we marginalise some asylum seekers? Exploitation of an underclass? Bloody Sunday? Miscarriages of justice? We could debate all those things till the cows come home.

What about the Church? Have we anything to say sorry for? Exclusivity? Behaving like a club for the privileged few instead of a family for the forgotten? Failing to practise what we preach? Ignoring the cries of the poor in our communities? Self-righteous aggrandisement of our own little empires at the expense of God's Kingdom? Talking about Jesus but not living like Him? Permitting discipleship to become something that we think we learn in our heads without it affecting our wallets and hands and feet? Again, the list could go on and on.

But perhaps the most important question - the greatest challenge we have to face is not the question of governments, national identities and the responsibilities of 'The Church' but the piercing question that we are each confronted with in the darkness of the night and the cold light of dawn - in what ways have I failed to love God with all my heart and mind soul and strength and my neighbour as myself. The journey toward a  genuinely open approach to apologies, repentance and humility doesn't start somewhere else, I think. It starts in my heart.

The beauty of the ordinary.

Beauty in the ordinary

Dearest Friends,

The last eleven days have seen my in silence and contemplation and prayer, with words returning slowly. In that time, you have sustained me with your prayers, your love and your kindness. Debbie and I are so very grateful to you all for your wonderful support. People from across the world, from churches we are currently involved in and have associations with through the years, have all shown their support. It has been humbling, encouraging and exhilarating to have seen Christ, met with Him and be changed by Him in your ordinary acts of kindness. Love shown from five continents and in simple and profound ways - a thousand thank you's to you all.

From this evening, I may not be writing on the blog every night - but I will continue to to write. You may see more of what I often put on here - comments on the political landscape, issues of justice, comments on poverty and observations about mission and engaging with the world, but I will also continue to write prayers, reflections and simple observations. Please let me know if they have been of help - or if you would like me to continue. Thanks for the emails, facebook comments, texts, calls and cards. Maybe m simple observations have helped you in a small way.

I was in one of the churches that I lead today, and unable to be in the other. It was a joy and a privilege to be with folk at The Chapel as we witnessed another baptism, but I was very sad not to be with my Warham family - and missed them. However, tomorrow will see me returning to work and pushing on with a great many things that have had to be put on hold in these last few weeks. Public speaking remains a challenge, but I am trusting that when I see the consultant on Thursday he will give me a better idea of when I can preach again - I'm hoping I will be able to preach again by Christmas.
 

The Ordinary.

There are many lessons that this time has taught me - and I am sure those lessons will 'eek' out of me in the the months and years to come - but today I contined my practise from across the last ten days of praying individually for all those in the churches that I lead and the people with whom I have had close connection this year. It has been such a joy - and an honour.  As I have prayed for you - people that God has brought across my path, I have imagined 'cameos' of you in ordinary events and occurences. Time we have chatted after services, enjoyed a coffee together, looked at the Scriptures with one another. I have remembered 'ordinary' days - days that we all have, when we have wept together, laughed together and learned from one another. I get the privilege of teaching you, of opening Scripture to help and encourage you to draw close to God. As a pastor, and a leader, I have the honour and privilege of sharing precious and private moments with many of you - rites of passage that are an open door into who you really are.

Yet as I have prayed for you, I have been so blessed, so encouraged, so inspired that I have found myself thanking God that far from me ministering to you, you have each ministered to me so powerfully and so strongly in your ordinary lives, and ordinary acts of kindness, and in your ordinary faithfulness and love for Christ. You may never grace a stage, or preach a sermon or stand before an audience of people, but you have taught me. You have led me to more intimacy with Christ. My debt to you is much, much greater than your debt to me - and for whatever length of time we walk the path of faith together, I count it a privilege as an ordinary man to have been touched by the beauty, wonder and transfiguring grace of God displayed through your lives and words and actions.

God bless

 

Vision

 

Blueeyes

 
As I was praying for those in The Chapel and Warham today, I found myself praying for fresh vision. So often we rest in what is comfortable, what we know. For many of us the safest place to be is the most familiar place - but for God sometimes the safest place to be is in the middle of a storm or in a boat being rocked by waves that threaten to sink us. I found myself praying that I - and you - would never mistake 'comfort' with 'safety' in God's economy. As I worked through the various situations that each of you are facing - and others whom I know and love - I found myself praying that you would dignify the trial. I realised that I was asking God to give you courage, not to give you an easy ride. I prayed that He would take you through the storm, but not that He would let you avoid it altogether.

Then I began to pray for fresh vision. For the vision of David to see giants as opportunities. For the vision of Nehemiah to see ruins as the building materials for something beautiful and the faith to see a new dawn in the midst of the dust of past mistakes and neglect. For the vision of Amos that sees past the spectacle of church and into the altar of the heart. For the strength and vision of Job to look the world in the eye and say, 'Even if it means my life, I will still trust Him'.

Vision is a funny thing. Preacher rattle on about it all the time - and often we turn 'vision' into wish-fulfilment and self-indulgence. We turn vision into a privatised affair that is all about what we want, what we need and what we can acheive. Yet to catch the vision that God wants us to have, we must first immerse ourselves in His story and purposes - and we find those in Scripture. How's this as a starter for ten - a vision for your life and mine, which I can say, with a cast iron guarantee is God's will for our lives - because it flows right out of the Decalogue (most often known as the ten commandments of Exodus 20). Here's what I prayed as a vision for our lives today:

Lord

  1. May Your be the inspiration at the heart of our lives, before anything and everything else.
  2. May money, sex, power and ego be pushed off their thrones and You be given Yours.
  3. May we seek to live like Jesus - not just talk about Him.
  4. May our lives reflect His rhythm and Your will.
  5. May we honour those who have gone before us, and learn from their example.
  6. May we build others up, not butcher their character and trample on their dreams.
  7. May our relationships be beautiful, not tainted.
  8. May we never take the credit of another or exaggerate ourselves to block them out.
  9. May truth be a hallmark of our lives and attitudes.
  10. May we live contented lives - thanking You for blessings and rejoicing when others are blessed.

Praying that each of us will learn to build His Kingdom, not our empires

God bless

Knowing Him

Christ suffering

Evening everyone,

What a stormy, troublesome day here in Hampshire! The study got soaked, the wind is howling outside as I write (it is 10:pm) and apparently there is more bad weather yet to come our way - so hunker down, it's going to be a rough night! Continuing to improve today and even got to eat some spicy food tonight - doctors had said I should stay away from it until I felt better as it could affect my throat. So enjoyed a mild Indian curry tonight.

Anyway - whilst sitting in my study working, today I was glancing round all my books - commentaries, bibles, reference books, testimonies, biographies and all the rest. I have around 4000 of them on shelves, in boxes and stored away - and something hit me.

Every book I have read about Jesus helps me - but it doesn't fully satisfy the yearning deep down inside of me to know Him more. None of them deals completely and adequately with the longing to be more like Him, to catch the 'scent' of His presence a little more fully. None deal with the paradoxes and the contrasts and the nuances and the beauty in Him well enough. No book ever could. He's human and divine and yet the mystery continues to deepen, the waters still not clear - the wonder still not plumbed. He is tender and gentle, yet violently uncompromising. He can make a child feel safe on His knee, but His enemies shake before Him. He is the benchmark by which all people are judged, yet He is meek and servant-hearted. He said the strongest things about sin I have ever heard - yet He spoke to sinners with a gentleness and tenderness that dispels fear. He says that I have to give Him everything - but He gave me everything first. He is the most approachable attractive and winsome Person ever to have walked the earth - yet for all my knowing I only know Him a little. His authority is unquestionable - yet He rejects power completely and never used it to control. His friends loved Him and He was on party guest lists, yet He is a man of incredible sorrow and pain. He raises friends from the dead - then He dies Himself. He has more power than anyone else - yet He won't force open the door of my heart - instead waiting to be asked. He could demand my love, yet He asks me to give it to Him freely. He'll let me reject Him rather than squash my humanity, yet He gives up everything for me simply to have the choice.  He died two thousand years ago - yet lives in the here and now and has the full and utter allegiance of heart. I have spent twenty years with Him as my best friend - and today I realised again that I have so much more to learn about Him - and so many more opportunities to grow and fall deeper in love with this Carpenter. He has more facets than the greatest diamond, more depth that the deepest ocean, more intensity than a thousand suns - and yet He held me in His arms today and reminded me that He loves me - and always will. 

So my prayer for each of us today is that we will pursue the One who pursues us - and that we will never be satisfied until a bright and glorious morning when we hear a trumpet, see the clouds part, and the hairs on the back of our necks stand on end, as we catch a glimpse of those we love, then find our attention drawn to One who makes life worth living and we finally are able to say, 'I know You'.

God bless